Karen, Note to Self: On Losing Friends, Losing Love and Being Alone.

You must learn to
travel alone
eat alone
sleep alone
cry alone
shop alone
watch a film alone
laugh alone
love alone

because

you were brought out
to this world alone
(unless you have a twin)
and you
will die alone.

text message from trix

"ngek. but you're an artist. it's not the world's fault that you wanted to write and indeed you never promised the universe that you would write brilliantly. you only promised that you would write your heart out. Liz Gilbert said one must find another reason to start writing, other than the desire for success and recognition. It must come from another place, perhaps to find oneself again."
_trix, october 20, 2008 9:41pm

i was browsing through my k800i inbox when i get to read the message above once again. trix is my college friend whom i seldom see now, although we now are both in the same college in UP Dil. Reading through my first post in this blog, she was actually the one who made me fall in love with writing my heart out again. and then at some point, i stopped. and then started again.

I had the most blogposts in august. i guess because someone from somewhere made me write something and practically anything. not really that she/he/it coerced me to write but seeing this entity made me write just about anything. hah. i looked at things differently. and then when the entity left, my blog came back to it's old self. a visual representation of a typical night in a barrio. you could almost hear the crickets. haha.

i just watched julie and julia yesterday. and one of the subnarratives dealt with blogging and all. julie powell blogged and cooked her life out for a year. she called it project julie and julia. 365 days, 500++ recipes. she dared herself to do it because she never seem to finish anything, that's according to her.

i never seem to finish anything at all. i dunno if it's gonna work. but yeah, maybe, just maybe i should try one too bearing in mind what trix told me. i promised the world that i'm going to write. i did not promise the world that i will write brilliantly, elaborately and compellingly. i just promised the world that i will write.

i miss writing. er blogging. yeah. whatever.

Karenderya as: Kilabot ng FX, Jipney, at taxi drivers ng Makati Series:

disclaimer: hindi ako masamang tao. hindi rin ako pilosopo na wala sa lugar. lahat may basis. lahat may dahilan kung bakit nagiging ganun ang kinahahantungan nila kapag ako ang nagiging pasahero nila.

KAren: ayala po kuya, sa may Insular lang. Pwede na po tayung mag-Buendia tapos Paseo nalang, mas malapit po ata.
Manong: ay magAyala nalang po tayo, mtrapik po sa Buendia ngayon.
Karen: Jan lang yan sa may ramp, hindi yan, gabi na man na.
Manong: hindi po matrapik po talaga.
Karen: o sya watever.
Manong: Ayala nlang ho tayo ah.
Karen: watever Manong.

*byahe byahe byahe* Matrapik din naman sa EDSA Ayala at sangkatutak ang stop light. Sa Glorietta palang 60 pesos na ang metro. E samantalang 60 lang ang pamasahe ko mula sa gate namin hanggang Insular.

Pagdating sa kanto ng Ayala at Paseo, ilang kembot bago ang Insular, kung saan ako bababa:

Karen: O sabi seo Manong walang trapik sa Paseo eh. tsk tsk.
Manong: Ngayon na lang po yan mam.

*pumara na ang taxi sa babaan. meter reads: a whopping 97.50 pesos.

Karen: *iniabot ang 100pesos na buo at badtrip. sobrang badtrip* o bayad ho.
Manong: *mumbling* 97.50...wala pong barya mam eh.
Karen: kapag ba ako kulang ng 2.50, pabababain mo ba ako sa taxi mo?
Manong: *kamot-ulo. sabay labas ng taxi sa umuulang gabi pra maghanap ng 2.50 na panukli*

eto na naman tayo sa mga signs...

sinasabi ko na nga ba.
hindi talaga magandang ideya yang paghingi-hingi ng signs kay Mang Jessie.
kita mo,
kanina, habang nililigpit ko lahat ng dapat ligpitin
kung kelan naniniklop na ng mga dapat tiklupin
at sinimulan ko nang magsunog ng mga dapat nang abuhin,
sumagi pa rin sa isip ko ang paghingi ng mga signs.
na kung tama na, magmessage ka.
kasi nga, mas madalang ka pa sa patak ng ulan sa Sahara kung magparamdam.

ayun.
sa kung anong hanging bagyo ang dumapo sa yo eh ngonline ka bigla.
sabi'y, karenderya, karenderya.
hay nako.



pero alam mo,
nangiti ako.
malakas pala talaga ako ke Mang Jessie.
*wink*